I am not shy about talking about my depression. In previous posts, I go into great detail about my struggle in dealing with depression. I’ve been blogging for a little over a year now, and I’ve been through various phases of depression, with and without meds. Currently, I am now off of the medication I’ve been taking since February, Fetzima.
Unmedicated, I have to relearn how to manage my depression. It does affect my blog. I have no motivation anymore to do much else aside from sleep and mindlessly watch TV. Since I’ve yet to get the hang of scheduling posts, I still blog on a day-by-day basis of posting. A post doesn’t go live unless I write it that day.
Even now, it is a struggle to make myself type out a post. My bed is right behind me, I have Ghost Adventures playing in the background. I want nothing more than to curl up under my covers and just stare at the TV screen. I know I won’t really register the show. I’m fine with that. I just have zero motivation to do anything.
I am tired all of the time. Prior to getting off my medication, I had severely restricted my soda intake, opting instead for water or tea. But lately, I can drink two to three bottles of Mt. Dew a day and I get nothing from it. Not even the tiniest energy boost to make it through my workday.
I know I need to force myself to keep working on my blog. It’s something productive to do with my time and, honestly, I do feel better when I’ve done something I enjoy (or feel like I should enjoy because I’ve enjoyed it in the past).
Especially when it comes to the topic of depression and mental illnesses, I know I need to blog. I am a very strong believer that the social stigma of depression needs to change. We need to be able to talk about our mental illnesses in the same way we talk about our physical illnesses. If I can add my voice to that change by discussing my illness through my blog, then all the more reason for me to push through my depression-based apathy and write.